Quarter of the Way There!

Tomorrow I complete my first semester of gradschool upon finishing my last (and only) final. Most people might thing "oh good for you, you're a fourth of the way finished!" and I think "Holy Crap! I'm already a fourth of the way finished!"

As I realize just how quickly this time is going to go by, I can't help but freak out when I consider all that I want to accomplish and how little time I have to do it in! In the next year in a half I want to: compose for orchestra, apply to doctoral programs, have a better idea of what the heck I'm going to do after all of this schooling, become a more confident composer, become more fluent in my composing, created a significant portfolio of works I don't absolutely hate three months after finishing them... yikes. As I list these things off, I really wonder if I'm going to make it!

Three more semesters to become the superstar composer I moved out here to become! Do you think it will happen? Hmm... who knows? What I DO know is that all I can do is work my butt off and trust God for the rest. When my confidence has been shaken so many times this semester, He has been faithful and gentle to remind me that He brought me here for a purpose. Still not sure WHAT exactly, but I must be faithful to the task of being a dilligent student while here so that when He executes his plans through me, I will be prepared. So I have three more semesters to enjoy being in the place that God has me, and make the most of it and not freak out about the end of the journey, because though I see a lot of fog, it is clear as day to the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11.

Not Quite New Years Resolutions

Awhile back I confessed that I am lacking in the department of discipline and made a list of ways I'd like to improve. Since then, I wish I could tell you that I have made great strides in the endeavor to join the ranks of the greats such as my mother, but I'd be lying and I don't want to add another fault to my already long list.

As I have been contemplating the fact that nothing has changed, I realized that perhaps a game plan is in order. Typically things don't just magically get better overnight for me, I usually have to work on them and be disciplined to become disciplined. What a conundrum (actually I don't think that's the right word for this context...). I am not disciplined. I want to be disciplined. In order to be better at being disciplined, I just have to be disciplined, no easy formula-- JUST DO IT.

So here is what I've been thinking. Tackling all of my issues at once might be overwhelming and result in the quickest path to failure. I don't want that, so I've decided to begin with two small steps. I've resolved, for instance to stop spending money on eating out from here until I go home for Christmas. There are a few exceptions, because without a little wiggle room, again I fail miserably. When I am at work I can buy my food at lunch, and the occasional eating out with a friend or what-have-y0u is permissible. What I am trying to do is avoid ordering take-out for most meals which is something I must admit I have resorted to lately. I figure if I take this step, I will not only be spending much less money, I will be eating healthier- Bam! two points on my undisciplined list! The second goal I have set for myself is to stop watching tv. Again, just from now until I go home. I don't know about you, but shutting my brain off for a few hours during the day while I allow mindless, often offensive drivel take over, is my heaven on earth. I haven't watched so much tv since summers during grade-school, and quite frankly I don't like what it is doing to me. Seriously, online tv has been the key to my undoing as I idly sit by and allow my brain melt into mush. Therefore, I must cut it off! Again I have to have wiggle room and that comes in the form of Biggest Loser my current favorite show. I feel that an hour and a half a week can't do too much harm, plus I just love watching those shrinking, happy people! Anyway, I figure I am opening up my time to be more diligent with school work and read more often. I am currently sitting at Barnes and Nobles and am about to buy a few books that I am so excited to read. They include: David McCullough's 1776, and C.S. Lewis' books 'Till We Have Faces' and 'Letters to Malcom'. I am betting that C.S. Lewis might be better for the sharpening of my mind than watching the on-going battle of 'The Hills' idiots. Seriously, do you or have you ever watched that show? It's basically a contest as to who can create the most drama for themselves via the most pointless and shallow relationships.

Well, there you have it, after all the rambling, my two pre-new years resolutions! Notice I am only holding myself to these until Christmas, so hopefully I should be able to stay strong!

Conversation II

Situation- Me working at Starbucks at the register. Customers have an opportunity to use what is called a gold card where they receive discounts on products but can also use them to pay for their stuff, if they have loaded money onto it.

Lady- I'd like two grande lattes, oh yeah and this sandwich.
Me- Okay two grande lattes and a sandwich.
Lady- I'll pay for the sandwich separately. (she then hands me her gold card as well as throw, yes throw some wadded up cash at me)
Me- So will you be paying with the card?
lady- huh?
Me- is there money on the card?
Lady- I don't know, it's not mine.
Me- okay, so then you'll be paying with cash.
lady- checked out of reality, says nothing.
Me- ring her up for the lattes, then proceed to ring the sandwich separately as she's asked. "Okay, you owe $5.13 for the sandwich"
Lady- I already paid for the sandwich.
Me- no you didn't.
Lady- yes I did, I just paid for it.
Me- you said you wanted to ring it separately, so I rang it separately. I didn't even scan it before.
Lady- I gave you the cash for the sandwich not the lattes.
Me- Oh, I thought you said you didn't know if there was money on the card.
Lady- no, I needed to pay for the lattes with the card.
Me- blatantly lying I say "Oh, I'm sorry I was confused."

Wish I could've said"
"oh I'm sorry, you must be confused AND CRAZY!"

My Life for the Gospel

The last few months I have been church shopping in hope to find a place I can call home. Today I may have found that place in Every Nation Church. A few days ago as I was sitting at the Starbucks on my school's campus, I overheard some girls behind me witnessing to another girl. Encouraged and excited, I approached them afterward to tell them how great it was they were sharing the gospel. We got to talking, and I asked them about their churches. One of them talked about Every Nation. I was immediately excited by it because she said the young adults group was going through the book Crazy Love, which is written by Francis Chan, whom I admire tremendously. The fact that the church is about a mile and a half away from my house didn't hurt either. :)

So this morning I was excited and hopeful to try yet another church out, and I am so glad I did. I was actually on time this morning (which, if you know me and my family this is an unfortunately rare occurance) so I got to enjoy all of the worship. The worship was definitely contemporary, with a full-blown band. I could care less about contemporary verses hymns verses whatever else, but what I loved about this experience is people were so excited! More people than not had their hands up, people were clapping and not to a beat, they were clapping as in a round of applause for Jesus, others were dancing and just when my conservative-brought up self was beginning to feel a little bit anxious, the woman leading us in song prayed "in our worship today, we are not chasing after a feeling or emotion, we are chasing after YOU God." This is how I imagine worship should go, considering we are coming before the King of the Universe!

The message today was on missions, as part of a series they have been doing. The pastor spoke on the great commission, reminding us that it is not called the great suggestion. He pointed us to Romans 10 vs 14-15 which say "How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent?"
He reminded us that there are still over 2 BILLION unreached people! Anyway, the fire and the vision of this church was evident in my hour and a half there. This is a vision I can get behind.

In closing, he invited us to stand and say "My Life for the Gospel" if we were serious about making necessary changes in order to live passionately and sold-out for the gospel. I joined many others in standing to say this, so I am committed. I will be writing further on this in future days. But I just wanted to share my excitement in finding what I will hope will be my new home.

Conversations

These are the conversations I have at work (starbucks):

First Scenario: takes place while I am on the bar, making the drinks.

customer- "Why is it taking so long for my frappacino to come up?"
me- "oh, I'm sorry you had a frappacino?"
customer (in a surly voice)- "yeah, it was like six people ago"
me- "I am so sorry sir, I haven't had a cup come through so it must not have been marked. I will make that right now." Then I proceed to give him a coupon which will get him a free drink the next time, as I continue to profusely apologize.
customer- continues to scowl at me and does nothing to try and let me know that he will be okay even though the fact his cup didn't come through had nothing to do with me.

Now, this is the conversation I wish I could have without losing my job:

customer- "why is it taking so long for my frappacino to come up?"
me- "because I'm trying to ruin your day and your life by having you wait 2 and a half minutes longer to give yourself diabetes and by the look on your face, it seems that I have succeeded."

Scenario two: I am again on the bar, there is one other worker who is on the register and there are about 15 people in the store waiting for there drinks.

old lady customer- "Is it normal to have to wait this long for a drink?"
me (a little taken aback)- "um, well, uh I'm not sure?"
old lady customer- "Yeah, I've been waiting and waiting for my drink."
me- "I'm very sorry ma'am, I am new so I think I'm not quite as fast as some of the other baristas here."
old lady customer- "well you should ask for help, then."
me-silence.

Conversation wish I could've had.

old lady customer- "Is it normal to have to wait this long for a drink?"
me- "what's 'normal'? we all define it differently, and frankly I think it's relative in this case, considering all of the different variables at play- # of workers, # of people in the store, # of people slowing down the process of drink-making by having pointless conversations with the barista..."
old lady customer- "Yeah, I've been waiting and waiting for my drink."
me- "well that usually happens when you're not the only one inhabiting the planet and 15 other people also wanted a drink tonight too."
old lady customer- "well you should ask for help, then."
me- "look around, pretty lady, there are only two workers here so unless you are willing to come back here and help me, looks like I'm on my own!"

People are SO cranky when it comes to their caffeine!

What right do I have?

Tonight when I was working at Uno's, I felt my rights were violated. Namely, my right to be respected. Even though I don't particularly love my job at the restaurant, I do work hard. I put in my two weeks notice earlier this week, but I made a conscientious effort to not allow that to affect my work performance. Despite that, one of my co-workers seemed to be really short with me tonight. Her tone with me was often exasperated, and at one point made a comment insinuating I wasn't working hard. Because I try to do a good job at work, and because I never liked to be talked down to, I got upset and eventually snapped at her. Of course she didn't appreciate my snide remark to her, and in turn got upset at me. Well, after I walked away from our exchange I immediately began feeling guilty. I denied a perfectly good opportunity to be loving to her. And then I began thinking, when does Jesus call me to love others? Always! Not just when they are being lovable. Anyone can do that, but it is by the Grace of God that we believers are able to love those who are particularly difficult to love. When does Jesus call me to defend my pride? Never! Jesus, the King of the Universe was disrespected and hated by his own people. I was spoken to a little bit rudely, and not even for a noble cause like the gospel. Yet, I could not set aside my pride in the moment in order to treat her as Jesus would. I see a pattern in myself where I have become much more assertive with people. I've been thinking about all of the times I have come away from a situation proud of myself for the sharp comeback I came up with, or the increased ability to stand up for myself. The importance of defending myself has grown while the importance of my showing Christ's love has faded into the background. Anyway, as I was seating tables tonight the Lord was gently bringing much of this to my attention. He was reminding me that my unbelieving co-worker has no choice but to respond to the flesh, but I am empowered by the Holy Spirit to overcome it. I eventually apoligized to her, and thankfully she was gracious to forgive me. I just want to not have to apologize, but to love others no matter how hard it is, or how much it hurts. Isn't that what Jesus does for us every moment of this life?

My Beautiful God

I love those experiences (which don't come often enough for me) when I am completely blown away by God, and yesterday I had one while reading my bible. I was reading Hebrews chapter 4, a passage I must have read a hundred times, but still something clicked for me yesterday. In verse 13 we are told "And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." It is unbelievable to me that there are struggles I have that I am ashamed to tell friends or family about, because I am afraid of what they might think. Yet God, the King of the Universe who gave me physical and eternal life never turns His face away, and somehow I don't have a problem with that. This truth alone hits me like a ton of bricks, but it gets so good as you keep reading in chapter 4. Verses 14-16 go on to say

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I am vile, and disgusting and I very often blatantly betray my Father, without a thought. How can He sympathize for me? He knows first hand what I go through when I am tempted, and wants me to come to him with confidence to receive mercy from him. God is not disgusted with me, He is not annoyed, He is not mad at me. He sympathizes with my plight, because he knows I am weak, and He wants to reach out to me. The One true God is vastly different from the god many people in our culture perceive. He is not sitting far away looking His nose down at us, just waiting for our next wrong move in order to count it against us. No. He invites us to his throne in full confidence that he will lavish upon us mercy and grace. This is my God, the Living God. He owes me nothing, yet gave me everything. I, in return, owe Him everything but have such a difficult time releasing my clinched fists. Oh that this truth would be so ingrained in my heart every day that I would never be bored of it again! That it would never become common to me, rendering me complacent. The Grace of God is something I would like to live the rest of my lifetime on this earth, trying to better understand, for there is nothing more beautiful.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mom's birthday, and I am the most homesick I've been since getting here. I baked cookies tonight and they turned out flat, misshapen and in need of about a pound of salt When my mom bakes cookies, they always turn out wonderfully. It doesn't matter if we both bake the exact same recipe, with the exact same ingredients, at the exact same time, with the exact same oven (point is all variables are the exact same) her's will without fail, be better. She seems to always contest this, but she's just being modest. And it's not just her cookies. She makes all sorts of wonderful, delicious things the way no other mom I know does. Tonight I wish I were eating her cookies in her kitchen. (of course she'd have had to bake them yesterday since it's not fair to make her bake on her birthday)

But as far as my mom goes, being a great baker is just the tip of the iceberg. Everyone jokes about the dread of inevitably turning into their mom. For me, with the exception of perhaps yawning at the same decibel level as my mom, there are so many things about her I'd like to be. My mom is disciplined like no one I know, faithful, and has an amazing servant's heart. She loves her neighbors and is often looking for ways to reach out to them. She doesn't allow intimidation keep her from sharing her faith with those needing to hear it, from the janitor at her school to the ladies on our street. My mom has taught me so much about what it means to be a good wife just by her example. If I one day get to be married, I hope to be half as good of a wife as she is to my dad. (my dad's a good husband too, but that's for another post, perhaps on Feb 9th) My mom loves him so much and it shows in the way she serves him, respects him and laughs at his lame jokes. (just kidding dad!) As far as my mom and my relationship goes, we have been growing really close lately. I call her all of the time, and she doesn't seem to get sick of me. She lets me talk on and on about whatever mundane thing happened to me, and somehow finds a way to act enthusiastic about it. She is someone who I always can go to for advice, support and encouragement.

Anyway, all that to say I am homesick today and wishing I were home to give my mom a long hug and eat her chocolate chip cookies.

Discipline

So here it is, the much anticipated (by me) post on discipline. If I had a genie who could grant me a wish, I'd wish for discipline. And therein lies the problem, I'd like to instantly have discipline and not have to work for it. I often think about how much easier my life would be if I were only disciplined, and consider all I could accomplish if only I were characterized by this trait. As if I have no choice in the matter! As if being undisciplined just happened to me one day when I wasn't paying attention. Well the more I have been thinking about it, the more I am convinced that I don't have to dislike myself for not being as disciplined as I'd like. I can simply work on it; a brilliant concept if I do say so myself! And that's the plan, that I will work hard for discipline, because it is truly a virtue. The Proverbs 31 woman is disciplined, why shouldn't I be?

Now I will list the reasons, mainly for myself as to why it is worth fighting for discipline so I can come back to them when I am tempted to not be disciplined:
- Discipline My Time

• Spend more time with God. The most important thing I can do with my life, and yet the thing I probably neglect the most as sad as that is. I want my time with God each day not even to be an option. I want to have fewer days that I look back on in regret because I watched the Office, but didn't crack open my bible or pray.

• Spend more time on my music. I pretty much work on my music on a daily basis, but there is always more I can do: listen to more music, look at scores and of course, compose.
  

• Read more. I love to read, and there are so many books I want to read, but I just often don't carve out the time to do it as much as I'd like.-

-Discipline My Spending! I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines helplessly as I watch my bank account drain, and though there are many justifiable expenses that are causing the drainage, I could probably slow the inevitable down if I didn't feel I need a Starbucks coffee everyday. ( there is one sitting next to the computer now, but at least I used some loose change to pay for it!)

-Discipline the Way I Eat! I can't tell you how many days I have had 5 mini candy bars for lunch. Seriously, my roommate has a HUGE bag of candy and sometimes I don't want to take three minutes to make a sandwhich so I eat what's already prepared and sitting in front of me. Yikes, talk about the freshman 15 except I'm not a freshman, but that doesn't make an extra 15 pounds any prettier. Anyway it's not just about me not wanting to gain weight, but being healthy and treating my God-given body well.

-Discipline My Thoughts! Oh it's so easy to allow my thoughts to wander when I'm anxious, doubting or what-have-you. This also goes along with praying more.


So, this is a huge undertaking. I mean, I have a lot to get disciplined on! And I know that I will not perfect these things, as I am nowhere near being close to perfect, but even writing down my goals for myself and you to see is a step in the right direction, I think. It's time for me to put my 'good intentions' into action! I will perhaps blog about my future successes and tribulations so you can keep me accountable...


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My disease (or sin, either way you want to look at it)

I am writing this blog in the middle of the day, which for me is usually something I tend to feel guilty about, since I haven't yet touched my homework or my music today. However, in my research class yesterday, my professor said in order to develop our writing skills, we need to commit to writing 15 minutes a day. So I am fulfilling my academic obligations.

So I have to admit, I have been struggling with a lot of self-doubt lately, and by lately, I mean all my life. I was diagnosed in high school with a severe case of impostor syndrome. I think I've had it all of my life, but didn't know it until a teacher my junior year said the term that so adequately describes my condition. If you don't know already, impostor syndrome is the feeling of being a complete and total fake when you are among peers who are in your same field. My earliest memories of it began in high school when I was taking the advanced classes. I was afraid to ever open my mouth in class for fear I would be found out as the fake I was. Now, I am surrounded by musicians who I am certain, if they spend enough time with me, will figure I paid someone off to get accepted here. It's a real problem, and I have admitted it so I am on the road to recovery, right?

I want to defeat this awful ailment, because it keeps me from doing so much. I don't like saying too much, because eventually something stupid will come out, I don't want other people to look at my music, and don't even get me started on the possibility of sending my music into a competition. Not only does impostor syndrome keep me from growing in my studies here, it is just selfish. I end up spending so much time thinking about myself because I am so afraid of what others might think of me. It might come across as humility, but really it is pride. I want so much for others to esteem me highly, that if I think there is a possibility they won't, I shut myself off completely.

Also, I am not remembering to trust the Lord in all of this. I don't know why, but I believe He brought me here to pursue music. He wants me to thrive and learn all I can, but I am hindering myself from doing that because I am so afraid of what people think of me. If only I let go of my inhibitions and trusted the Lord, maybe I would be surprised at all I could learn and the skills I could cultivate. Skills I want to use to honor the Lord. I know I am not honoring God in my fearfulness, so my pledge is to take my thoughts captive and pray when I am tempted to turn into my usual defeatist self. Alright, so I have a plan to overcome impostor syndrome... next post I will work on my discipline (or lack thereof)!

Funny Story

This is a story, that you probably already know. And I say that because my only readers are those who are related to me, and I've probably already called you to tell you this story. Regardless, I will write a post on it because this story deserves to live on in eternity via the internet.

It was the last night Leah and I had together before she flew back home from Indy to Cali. (that's for you Megan :) ) We decided that in order to make it special, we'd visit this restaurant we'd seen a few days earlier while walking around downtown called Barcelona Tapas. Leah is a big fan of all things Spanish, and the place looked really cute when we saw it. So, we headed downtown to have ourselves some tapas. Now, when we actually got downtown, we realized we couldn't remember exactly where the restaurant was located, but since Indy's downtown is pretty easy to walk around, we decided we'd park and just find it on foot.

Now, after we parked the car and got out and walked to the next street we realized that neither of us had paid attention to which street we actually parked on. And this was our first fatal mistake of the night. We both thought we were close enough to the center circle, that it'd be no problem finding it. So we moved on in search of our restaurant. We walked and walked, for about 30 minutes before we decided it might be worth it to actually ask someone for directions. When we finally did, we got to the restaurant in about another ten minutes.

The restaurant was glorious. If you ever visit Indy, it is a place you should definitely check out. It is small, quaint, and serves delicious food. Leah and I sat outside on the patio under the colored lights and enjoyed watching the people as they passed by. We ate tres leches which was absolutely divine, seriously if you've never had it, go get yourself some! Anyway, after a thoroughly satisfying experience at Barcelona's, we were ready to call it a night. And thus began our hunt for the car.

We walked back to the circle, which as I said is at the center of town, and figured from there we would have no problems finding my car. We were wrong. Up and down the streets we walked, but no car. We went down side streets, walked in circles, tried retracing our steps, and could not find that car! We were so confused, because we kept saying things like, "hey, we saw that Qdoba! remember?" But then realized we weren't sure when we saw the Qdoba, before we got to the restaurant, or at some point when we were looping around, lost? Strange men were saying strange things to us (by now it was after midnight), my feet were really hurting because I was not wearing appropriate footwear, and both of us, though we did not admit it at the time, were freaked out of our minds. I was contemplating calling the police, so at that point we began praying that God would intervene and lead us to the car, and finally He answered our prayers! We were so excited, we started sprinting like idiots to the car, never so happy to see it!

We got in, feeling so relieved and a little bit dumb for putting ourselves through all of this by not just looking at the street sign in the beginning! I put the key in the ignition and began driving, when all of the sudden, I saw it. I had no choice but to laugh hysterically for now I was no longer just a little bit dumb, but a complete and utter moron. Leah looked at what was making me laugh so hard, and she saw it and joined in. I don't think I've ever laughed this hard in my life, tears were streaming down my face and my abs were sore because it was so uncontrollable. About 100 yards in front of the car, if that, was the restaurant. Barcelona's Tapas. Our car, was parked right by it! FACING IT!!! We even ate outside!!! We wanted to believe that somehow there were two Barcelona's Tapas restaurants within half a mile of each other. We wanted to believe that someone had played a cruel joke on us, but we knew the truth. This was the best way we could've spent our last night together, I am convinced!

And since being here...

I can't believe I have been here for a month now! In some ways I feel like I was just in California, but on the other hand I really do feel like I live here now. I don't feel like a visitor, I feel like a resident. I am starting to know my way around, and the routine of driving certain drives brings a sense of familiarity I've craved. I actually really enjoy driving around here. Everything is straight and flat, but the scenery is sensational. My drive from my house to school is lined with trees, thick and full just about the whole way. And as fall approaches, the leaves are beginning to change. Most of them are still unchanged, but there are pockets of bright orange, red and yellow that seem brighter still against the backdrop of lush green. The red brick of the houses and large stone churches also vie for my attention-- I enjoy buildings that are not made of stucco. (Also lining the streets are all kinds of roadkill, but that doesn't really add much to the overall beauty.) As I drive, I roll down the windows, suck in the clean air, and listen to a mix I've named oh so wittily 'Fall Mix'. Under such conditions, I actually look forward to making the 20 minute drive.

Something else that I've quickly grown used to are the sounds I hear at night. Back in my old apartment, I loved sleeping by the window. Jess and I'd have it open every night and fall asleep to sounds of traffic, trains rushing by, and sirens. Now, I open the window and hear crickets, frogs croaking and other sorts of nature unidentifiable to me. People in California can fall asleep to these sounds too, they just have to pay for a machine that produces them. .

Anyway, these are some of the things I'm feeling fortunate to experience. I don't want to overlook any of the small things, because they are all part of my whole story in Indiana.

Concerning the Title

So my blog is named From the Southwest to the Midwest, because I moved from the Southwest (soCAL) to the Midwest (Indianapolis) for grad school. Everyone in California told me it would be a big change. "Oh, boy" they say "you're gonna have a culture shock!" Well, I've been here for almost 4 weeks now, and no such culture shock has occurred. Granted, there are differences here, but that's all for another post. First, let me back up to the beginning of the adventure, which began one month ago tomorrow.

One month ago tomorrow, I got in my new to me car (given to me by my very generous sister), picked up my best friend Leah who so graciously agreed to road trip with me out to Indy, drove through the Starbucks Drive-thru on San Fernando for perhaps the last time, and started driving East. Now Leah and I had a 4 day trip ahead of us. If you ever have to spend over 30 hours in a car with someone, may I suggest doing it with Leah? Even after hours upon hours spent together in a confined space, (with no a.c. I might also add) she has a real knack for not being annoying. I mean can you imagine that? This was exactly opposite of what I expected. I mean, you spend that much time with somebody, in those conditions, and you are just asking for at least a few confrontational moments. My plan was, I would be so irritated with Leah by the end of our trip, that it wouldn't be nearly as hard saying goodbye to her when the time came. No such luck. The girl not only didn't get on my nerves in the slightest, she made me laugh at all times, excluding the times we were baring our souls to one another (literally, we were reading each other's journals... now that's intense). She also was really good at pretending like I wasn't getting on her nerves. So all that to say, the roadtrip was successful (or unsuccesful as far as my plan goes). On the way, we stayed with my family in Phoenix which is always a treat, and got to see a dear friend of both of ours in Tulsa. I can't speak for Leah, but I for one, thought the road trip was a blast.

Thankfully the roadtrip wasn't the end of our sweet time together. Upon arriving in Indy, Leah stayed with me an extra week. She was there with me looking for apartments, job-hunting, putting my life together, etc. What a friend, I tell ya! So, in that short week I had with Leah, I found a job (hostess at Uno's Chicago Grille) and almost found an apartment... didn't follow through with it at the last minute, but it worked out for the better. Because class had not officially started yet, Leah and I also took that time as an opportunity to get acquainted with my new home town. We went shopping, saw movies, ate out at fun restaurants, and just an all- around great time. Honestly, the Lord worked out this situation perfectly. It was going to be hard saying goodbye to Leah no matter what, but having her with me during my first week in Indy was a priceless gift.

So, when Leah had to go back to CA a week later, it was to say the least, very difficult. Somehow I didn't cry at the airport. But I definitely cried later. All day long as a matter of fact. I cried in my room, in my car, in front of poor Frank, the guy who I almost rented an apartment from. By God's grace I was able to hold it together at work, but it was a very weepy day for me. I knew it would be hard, but the roadtrip being such a success (or unsuccess) made it that much harder. It was at this point where things began to really sink in. As I was going through all of the motions of moving and settling in, it still felt like I was just a visitor as long as Leah was with me. I felt like we were two tourists exploring the city. Yet when she left, I knew that this was not the case. I am here for the next two years, and I am pretty much starting completely over. I don't have the security of my best friend, or family that I have grown so accustomed to in life. Even with other big changes I have made in the past, I have always had some familiarity that helped me in my adjustment. This time I do not. However, I am so thankful for that fact. I wanted to come out here not just to become a better musician, though that's a big part of it. I came out here because I want to grow. Here I have no security blanket, no crutch. I have God. I want this very unique time in my life to be profitable as I learn what it means to truly trust God and depend on Him, because I really don't have any other options. I pray God uses this in my life to be a very formative experience spiritually.

I'm Here

And by here, I cleverly (a term I use pretty loosely) mean both here in Indiana, and here in blog-world.

So I feel like as a newbie to the blogworld, I have an obligation to explain myself. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What do I think I can contribute to the blogosphere? And I'm not totally clear on all of the answers to those questions, but I will still attempt to answer them.

I decided to blog for a few reasons. One, I thought it might be a good idea to document this new chapter in my life. I don't really know who will care to follow this documentation, (with the exception of my parents--hopefully) but still the idea sounds good. Secondly, I wanted a place to come and put my thoughts in words. I guess I could do that in a journal, but my hand tends to cramp up when I write for more than ten minutes... so naturally I have to write it on the computer for the whole world to see. Third, if I ever acquire an audience, I would like to use my blog for accountability. I imagine myself blogging about my new resolution to never eat sugar again, or go running 5 times a week, and well if I have an audience that I can't let down, maybe, just maybe I will be more motivated to follow through. Now those are my reason for wanting to blog, but as far as what my purpose is, I kind of hit on that. I want to document this new chapter in my life... okay so yeah, I definitely already said that. And do I have anything to contribute to blogosphere? Probably not. I mean, I don't even know how to do fancy things, like putting up pictures. And I haven't set myself up for much success with the lame title. However, maybe I will surprise myself. Maybe my blog will become so popular, that I am offered book deals. And then I will write a book that is made into a movie. This is not my reason for being here, but if that were to happen, it would be a bonus.

Anyway, so again I felt like I should take this first post as an opportunity to explain myself for being here. Next post I will officially begin recounting all the exciting details of my life since I have embarked on this new adventure... moving from California to the middle of the country...