Conversations

These are the conversations I have at work (starbucks):

First Scenario: takes place while I am on the bar, making the drinks.

customer- "Why is it taking so long for my frappacino to come up?"
me- "oh, I'm sorry you had a frappacino?"
customer (in a surly voice)- "yeah, it was like six people ago"
me- "I am so sorry sir, I haven't had a cup come through so it must not have been marked. I will make that right now." Then I proceed to give him a coupon which will get him a free drink the next time, as I continue to profusely apologize.
customer- continues to scowl at me and does nothing to try and let me know that he will be okay even though the fact his cup didn't come through had nothing to do with me.

Now, this is the conversation I wish I could have without losing my job:

customer- "why is it taking so long for my frappacino to come up?"
me- "because I'm trying to ruin your day and your life by having you wait 2 and a half minutes longer to give yourself diabetes and by the look on your face, it seems that I have succeeded."

Scenario two: I am again on the bar, there is one other worker who is on the register and there are about 15 people in the store waiting for there drinks.

old lady customer- "Is it normal to have to wait this long for a drink?"
me (a little taken aback)- "um, well, uh I'm not sure?"
old lady customer- "Yeah, I've been waiting and waiting for my drink."
me- "I'm very sorry ma'am, I am new so I think I'm not quite as fast as some of the other baristas here."
old lady customer- "well you should ask for help, then."
me-silence.

Conversation wish I could've had.

old lady customer- "Is it normal to have to wait this long for a drink?"
me- "what's 'normal'? we all define it differently, and frankly I think it's relative in this case, considering all of the different variables at play- # of workers, # of people in the store, # of people slowing down the process of drink-making by having pointless conversations with the barista..."
old lady customer- "Yeah, I've been waiting and waiting for my drink."
me- "well that usually happens when you're not the only one inhabiting the planet and 15 other people also wanted a drink tonight too."
old lady customer- "well you should ask for help, then."
me- "look around, pretty lady, there are only two workers here so unless you are willing to come back here and help me, looks like I'm on my own!"

People are SO cranky when it comes to their caffeine!